I'm really surprised I haven't written consistently lately, since I have ALL THE TIME IN THE WORLD. I'm currently on "Operation Recuperate and Heal" from knee surgery (about a week ago). Long story short, I was born with eccentric knees that needed to be redesigned if I wanted to continue to walk on this great earth. So I had a very intensive and extensive surgery (with a super long name) to correct the issue. Here's a visual:
So....the "supposed to be here" section- yeah, that's where my patella should be (note, this diagram is far from exact and just enhances my point) and my patella likes to flail around wherever it wants to in my leg. Hence, major surgery needed.
Nonetheless, I have been through this before with my right knee and now it was time to have my left leg broken, knee cap completely moved to a new location, bones realigned and a couple of screws to ensure that my knee doesn't develop a mind of its own again.
Flash forward to now. I am now in a full leg cast (from being in a full leg brace last week). I was so excited yesterday when they took off the leg brace because I was DYING to bend my leg and let it breathe a bit. You don't appreciate freedom in your limbs until they are confined and you are forced to live with it.
Funny, as soon as I breathed a sigh of relief from the brace removal, my doc says, "You do remember you are going into a cast today right?"
Me: "Oh yes, I remember- just nice to feel free for a bit."
So, they remove the 24 staples from my incision (they said it would feel like pulling a scab, I thought they were removing my skin a peel at a time. Yes, I cried. But only a tear fell.- Inside I am sure I drowned from the tears that didn't quite make it to my eye ducts).
....Cast goes on, I feel great. I feel protected....now on to another 4 or 5 weeks healing in said cast.
My doctor warned me that since I was so swollen, my cast may slip as I lose the swelling. Which means they may have to "recast" me to be sure my broken tibia fully heals. "Ok," I said. No biggie.
Day 2. Today. Today I HATE this cast! I want out. I want it gone. It's irritating me, I'm sure I'm smaller than I was yesterday. Is my cast slipping? Ugh. No. Please. I hate this. I am so done with the cast.
So after that rant, my flesh and spirit had the BEST conversation ever. Yes, when you are confined to sitting and healing you can make almost ANYTHING a life lesson.
Flesh: I hate this cast. I forgot how awful this is. How long do I have to deal with this thing? It's only day 2, how can I make it another month?
Spirit: You know this is part of the process. Anything broken that needs healing must go through a process.
Flesh: I know, I still hate this. I'm uncomfortable. Ugh!
Spirit: Doesn't feel good now, but it's part of the plan. There will be healing when the process is done and you'll be whole without any of the ailments you had before.
Flesh: Doesn't change now. I'm already tired of this.
Spirit: In due time, you'll reap the benefits of this process. In due time you won't even remember every uncomfortable moment. Remember the 1st time? The 1st surgery, you didn't know what to expect. It was hard, it was uncomfortable, but that process has made this process even easier, hasn't it.
Flesh: You're right (hate when that happens). Pain is there, but overall is significantly less than the first time. I knew what was coming this time. I was better prepared. So yes, it's a bit easier.
Spirit: I KNOW, and the work that was done in your knee will be completed if you just trust the process, have patience and let it heal. When you're uncomfortable, do what you can and pray about the rest. Your complaining isn't going to change the situation. It's just taking away the Peace you can have right now.
Spirit: Remember what you read this morning in devotional? About Hard Grace? "The hard discipline to give thanks for all things at all times because He is good. The hard discipline to number the griefs as grace because as the surgeon would cut open my son's finger to heal him, so God chooses to cut into my ungrateful heart to make me whole." -Ann Voskamp, pg. 92 One Thousand Gifts Devotional
Flesh: thinking (I'm being absolutely ridiculous).
Thank you Lord for orchestrating my surgery and guiding my doctors and his team to correct my knee issues.
Thank you Lord for giving the doctors wisdom on my healing process.
Thank you Lord for making a way for me to have both surgeries done, as there are people desperately needing surgery for life-threatening ailments and are unable to receive care.
Thank you Lord for this leg cast that is protecting my bones and guiding them to heal correctly.
Thank you Lord that this process will be over in due time and I will have the freedom to walk, move, and run as I should.
Thank you Lord that I have a village who aids in my recovery, therefore making this process easier.
Thank you Lord that you can worked out every detail, even those I cannot see.
Thank you Lord for this reminder in the midst of my disgruntled complaining.
Thank you Lord for time to rest, as I cannot remember the last time I wasn't too busy to form a thought.
Thank you Lord for your Spirit that gives my flesh a reality check.
Thank you Lord. Thank you.
Dear Leg Cast,
Sorry for what I said while I was irritable. You're just hardened material that is making me better instead of the jail I made you out to be. With God's help I'll come to appreciate you these next 4 weeks, because without you my leg would never be mended :)
P.S.- I think I am smaller, my hand shouldn't fit in my cast. Calling the doc. Yes, do what you can and pray about the rest :) So, this means I may go from "bondage" back into another form of the same "bondage".....until I'm done (ring the dinner bell, when Toya is done cooking). Now, I believe I have had to stay in a place more than once, a time or two, because God wasn't done with me yet. Sometimes that is because I got in the way, and sometimes it was just because He wasn't done. His time, not mine. In my knee's case, my bones' time, not mine. That "this will preach moment" came straight from my cast of course:)
Until next time.......embrace your "meanwhile" your "process" your "dry season"....read some Psalms and watch God use this time to make you better in the end my friends!
"I waited patiently and expectantly for the Lord, and He inclined to me and heard my cry." -AMP